sistahology.com

We all have them. We all must negotiate and navigate through them. We have to tackle them and more importantly…we experience them multiple times throughout our lives. What does all this mean? It means that it will always have to be dealt with: the transitioning phase. Whether it be going to college, getting a new job, moving to a new place, ending or deepening a relationship with a significant other, or finding a new way of thinking, it can be a painful (but necessary) growing process.

Currently, my life is in a complete re-shifting of what I knew before. I am trying to land a new opportunity in another State. I have so many things I want to accomplish but at times I find myself surrounded by negative people and negative situations. I am growing and people around me are still entertaining people and situation from 10 years ago. I must move on.

It’s also been a time of enormous creativity and finding an inner strength beyond human understanding. So this pays respects to the perseverance of our spirits during our times of struggle, need, and transition. We cry our tears, wipe them away with tired hands and move on to do the work that needs to be done in our lives and in the world. Here are some lessons I’ve learned in my transition and would like to share.

1. “Get tough skin. Know you’re somebody and keep it moving!” Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You are a child of God and you can be all that you want to be if you believe in you!

2. Find your support system. You need someone who you can lean on and share your spirit with. Whether it’s one or five people, on the phone or through email. Find it! Make sure you trust that person or persons to respect your privacy and confidentiality.

3. Laugh. I think this one is pretty self-explanatory…find the time to laugh. Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying. It’s just life.

4. Find the time to sit in nature. Or walk in it. I’ve found that there’s something about shedding your tears and joys in nature. Take time to sit still and have some “me” time.

5. Stand up for yourself! I’ve had to learn the hard way about the importance of respecting and standing by your integrity and maintaining your dignity. No matter how difficult, don’t let anyone diminish who you are. It just not worth it. Standing up for right may hurt some but you must always be true to yourself.

6. Find what makes you creative and happy. This says everything and nothing. But if you like to draw, sing, write, dance, paint, read, converse, walk, or whatever…do it. Find something fulfilling to help you release and renew your energy.

7. Listen to Music. While you’re getting ready for the day, cleaning, cooking, driving, working, and etc. A good song can go a long way. Music can heal the heart and sooth the soul. I simply cannot live without it. I am currently listening to Kem’s new cd. Awesome…..

Cheers to transitions.

One year ago today, in celebration of the birthday of my late father Kelly Easter, Jr., a man who was so supportive of me throughout my life, I launched Sistahology.com with the goal of empowering women through online journaling.

I want to thank all of you who have come on this journey with me during these past 12 months, not only my valued subscribers and those of you who receive the weekly blog via Facebook and Twitter, but also everyone who offered words of encouragement, inspiration, or advice. With your support and feedback I will continue to improve the Sistahology.com experience.

Hopefully you’ve already begun to enjoy the healthful, life-affirming benefits of self-expression through online journaling with a subscription to Sistahology.com. If not, I encourage you to subscribe today. In the coming year you will see new events and guest bloggers, among other features. And, of course, I will continue to post my weekly Sunday blog to encourage you to continue to dream big, go further, climb higher, and stay motivated to create the life you desire.

Again, my most sincere thanks for your support.

As a person who resists change until it actually occurs, I know how it feels to be put in an unfamiliar environment and being unsure of the next step. It can be tough letting go of the reigns sometimes and embracing change. While it’s always important to be alert and aware of where you’re going, isn’t it also good to keep up with the moment and enjoy where you are? I know it’s all been said before, but I truly believe that it’s important to let go once in a while and let beauty surround you.

Sometimes, it’s healthy to give yourself a bit of leeway and take small risks to make life more interesting: a break from the routine. Embrace your surroundings when you’re somewhere new. Sometimes it’s fun to make memories that you wouldn’t normally make, and never let someone take your memories simply because they aren’t making any of their own.

I suggest you mix it up once in a while. Change up your routine and go walk around your city or town after work. Go somewhere you’ve never been and live in the moment. Just do what feels like it would make your life more interesting. Be strong, independent, and adventurous!

Cheers to change.

We live our lives in one continuous cycle; a continuous cycle that brings us good days and a continuous cycle that brings us some bad days. Life brings us joy and excitement. Life also brings us sorrow and pain. And for certain, life always brings us our fair share of worries.

What are you worrying about?

Does it feel sometimes like you’re carrying the world’s burdens on your shoulders?

The question today is, what are you worrying about?

Let it Go!

Some of the heaviest burdens that we bare in life are not the burdens of our own. It’s the burdens of the people that we love the most. Have you ever found yourself up late into the night, heart beating fast, mind racing, with tears in your eyes, thinking about a problem or a situation that you in all honesty can’t fix?

Maybe you have a love one fighting a drug addiction. No matter what you say, no matter how much help you extend to that person; it seems that it’s not enough to help send them down the path to recovery. Maybe you have a son or a brother heading down the wrong path. He won’t listen to you or won’t take the advice that you have given him to heart. Your spirit is broken. You know that if he doesn’t straighten up, it’s only two places that he will end up; in a jail cell or in a grave.

The problem is this; you can’t force anyone to change. You can’t make someone become drug-free. You can’t make someone want to aspire for greatness in their own life. They have to first want all those things themselves. If they don’t, you can’t help them, you can’t fix the problem or the situation.

So the next time you find yourself up late into the night, heart beating fast, mind racing, with tears in your eyes, thinking about a problem or a situation that you in all honesty can’t fix. In that moment “Let Go and Let God.”  Cheers!

It’s a normal feeling – for instance, maybe you just spent all week on the run and haven’t had any time to breathe. However, even though all you can think about it staying in bed all day under the covers, you committed every waking minute to plans. Deep down, you feel this underlying dread.You think, “Why didn’t I just say no?” It’s hard to decline to family members, friends, or anyone important for that matter. I know that I do it all the time – overbooking myself so that in the end, I have no time to think. It’s a continuous cycle that is hard to break, especially when it seems that everyone’s demands seem to fall around the same time. While it’s typically good for you to live in the moment and seize all opportunities, sometimes it’s bad for your health if you just continue ignoring your body’s pleas for rest and never take a break. How exactly do you do this if you constantly are worried about disappointing people? This isn’t about the “canceling” as much as the “thinking about yourself” and keeping your sanity. You can’t constantly be selfless and make people happy – sometimes you have to make YOURSELF happy and just say “no” once in a while.

1. Make a point to turn down at least one activity a week. If it’s an overly busy week and there’s something you can cancel, do it. Make time for yourself for at least an hour a day. Even just giving yourself time to read or listen to music is a good use of de-stress time. Basically, anything that makes you feel relaxed is fair game.

2. Tell the family member/friend about your busy schedule and lack of breathing room. If they realize that you’re turning it down because you’re overwhelmed, they’re more likely to understand and be open to a rain-check. Obviously, you can’t turn down the same person too often if you want to keep their trust. If you find yourself turning down one particular person all of the time, ask yourself, “Am I doing this because I need “me-time” or is it because I just don’t really want to see them?” If it’s the latter, it’s best to gracefully stop contacting them and you both can move on to new contacts with no hard feelings.

3. I was happy to find that Oprah gives a very cohesive list of how to say “no” to anything and everything! Obviously, she’s the Queen of Talk, so I feel like her fifty-seven ideas are just something that must be read.

4. Keep your home as uncluttered as your schedule. Messy/dysfunctional living quarters just makes it less easy to concentrate and you most likely to want to avoid being there. If everything’s clean, you can decompress and feel more comfortable with staying home, therefore, keeping yourself sane.

5. Don’t overestimate how much you can do. Knowing your limits with plans and how much you can handle is an important way to keep yourself from overdoing it. If you can feel comfortable saying “no” when it’s something that’s not immediately important, then you can prioritize better and realize what’s best for your life.

Basically, being yourself, knowing your limits, and being prepared to use your prioritizing power to plan your life is the best way to go. Only you can be the judge as to what you do in your life. Make the right decisions for YOU and stay sane – keep an open mind and know when to say “no” versus “yes we can!” Cheers!

This is one of those topics that have always made sense to me: put off what you could do today for tomorrow. What harm could it do? Seriously, though, it might seem like a good idea at the time to say you’ll pick up the mess in your living room tomorrow, but tomorrow, will you think the same thing? It’s an ongoing cycle: you say you’ll do something tomorrow, but then tomorrow comes and the house is still messy. Your clothes are still all over the ground and nothing’s been fulfilled besides false promises. Is this a productive strategy to get work done or just a crux so you don’t have to do anything at all? Also, why do people procrastinate to begin with?

For me, at least, I know I’m a perfectionist. I want things to come naturally to me – to have the words sound as good as they can be, so I feel satisfied at the end of writing something, for example. The mood has to strike or the words, or the household chores, or the birthday card is never complete. I know a lot of people are like this – they say that they like the adrenaline rush, but in the end, they’re only stressed out once the deadline pops up in the near future and nothing’s done. Other things were deemed “more important,” except for the one thing that would eventually be important in the LONG TERM. Long term planning is the worst because it’s so far in the future, at least in your mind, but it just creeps up on you unless you get a jump on it ahead of time. Procrastination is a reflex for people who want “just a little bit more time” to think and “prepare,” but in the end it’s only hurting you to not be on top of what’s coming.

Something I recently read about procrastination – it really does make a lot of sense: “Procrastination is not a problem of time management or of planning. Procrastinators are not different in their ability to estimate time, although they are more optimistic than others. ‘Telling someone who procrastinates to buy a weekly planner is like telling someone with chronic depression to just cheer up.” I feel like that by trying to manipulate every little thing to make it right, it doesn’t always work out the way you planned anyway. Therefore, I do what feels right and sometimes it happens that once I realize that I have no time left, it all just comes flowing out and I’m able to be productive. It sometimes is counterproductive, but at other times, my creative rush wouldn’t have come otherwise.

If you yourself are a procrastinator which one are you?

1. Arousal Type/Thrill Seeker– those who wait till the last minute for a rush.

2. Avoider – those who may be avoiding fear of failure or even fear of success and are very concerned about what others think of them.

3. Decisional Procrastinator– those who can’t make a decision, therefore, absolves them of responsibility for outcome of the situation.

It’s hard to pinpoint anyone as one “type” of person, but in general, procrastination allows for bad habits like indecisiveness and avoidance to overshadow the good characteristics, like being strong at handling pressure.  Cheers!

My life philosophy is that “whatever happens, happens” and that if something I’m looking forward to doesn’t happen, I’m optimistic enough to believe that something I don’t expect will happen and be just as good.“I’m a realist” is the phrase I hear a lot of people say when giving reasons to reject optimism, but that makes optimism out to not being “real.” However, being optimistic can pay off when you’re in a bad mood and are trying to think the best of the situation. I always internally think “everything’s going to be alright in the end,” which has helped me out of some bad funks and basically made me out to be a slightly idealistic person. So, the question is, is it bad to be “hands off” – within reason – with your life?

I do realize that you can’t be completely “hands off” with your life, though, because there are some things that you just should do or they won’t happen. Those types of things would be anything having to do with earning a living or completing a degree – stuff that is pertinent for success. Although money isn’t everything, it is something you inevitably need in life for food, clothes, and general necessities. Earning money for both yourself and/or family is something that will always be there, therefore, being completely hands off doesn’t work in those situations.

However, in matters of friendship or social events, sometimes it’s best not to think so much and to just let life happen. I know when I have high expectations for an event, a lot of times it doesn’t turn out how I expected. For example, I know at times I’ve anticipated days in advance a lunch with a friend, but at the last minute that friend has canceled, leaving me with a lost day. However, the day’s not lost at 11am – there’s always hope for other things going right that day, therefore, calling up another friend and making plans is not out of the question.

“Going with the flow” doesn’t have to be so bad if you can just go with what life throws at you. Honestly, I think it makes you stronger if you can deal with difficulties with style and grace. So, go out there and don’t waste your time bemoaning those “lost days” – get out there and make your own rules!

Some tips about “going with the flow”:

1. Don’t let yourself get mad when things don’t go as planned. It might not be exactly how you planned, but you are the master of your emotions. Think about what just happened and then act accordingly.

2. Always be prepared with alternate ideas for plans. Having flexible ideas in your mind, instead of just a set schedule can take the stress off of you when things go as planned.

3. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Seriously, some things aren’t worth worrying about. Canceled lunch plans or a horrible commute, but there’s always a way to smooth things out. Maybe you had an important meeting – call in and explain the situation. For canceled lunch plans, you can always go to lunch by yourself and read the book you’ve been dying to catch up on, or call another friend. There’s always another way to view a situation and by seeing the glass as half-full instead of half-empty, life seems much easier in the long run. Renew your optimism and channel your strong, independent self!  Cheers!

Worry can have its place in life — if it encourages us to act and incites life-improving change it’s serving its purpose. But if worrying has just become habit, with idle fretting and rumination a general way to cope with the world at large, it might be time to nip it in the bud. Here are a couple of ways to deal with worry in your life:

1. Accept uncertainty.

Oftentimes, worry can be a persistent fear of the unknown. But what’s so great about certainty? Ask yourself some questions: Is it possible to be certain about everything in life? How could uncertainty be helpful? If you are imagining the worst case scenarios just as a matter of course, try envisioning a range of outcomes, from good too bad to just acceptable; all are equally probable.

2. Set aside a worry time.

Worry wart ways won’t be undone in a moment, so allow yourself the time and space in your life to worry. Maybe you need to give yourself 15 minutes on your morning commute. Postpone all worries that spring up at other times in the day by noting them and coming back to them during the worry time. The idea is to confine your worry to one brief part of your day so that your concerns aren’t stretching to fill every waking moment.  After “worry time” remember to “let it go”, move on to something else more positive.  Cheers!

It can be hard sometimes to find inspiration around you, especially when you’re just stuck in your old routines and need a change. There are many definitions of inspiration – that could include writing, general beauty, or just a change in your surroundings that makes you stop and think.

For example, sometimes sitting in a public space helps you run into interesting people that make you think about your life differently.

Seeing people and taking in what you see can sometimes trigger some intrigue in you. How do you gain inspiration in everyday life?

People-watch while out in public.  As I said above, sometimes observing people can help you think introspectively about life and give you original ideas on how to change up your own life.  I love seeing what books people are reading, it inspires me to read more.  As well, I find it interesting to see what people are reading since people’s book choices can tell a lot about a person. Hearing people’s choice of music is also intriguing; from listening you’re getting a “glimpse” into their musical “life.” Any type of media outlet is interesting to observe these days – people try to block out others with these devices, yet they’re still inviting you in with their loud music or book cover.

Listen to music and just think. Sometimes music has a way of getting to your deepest emotions and makes opening up to new experiences easier.  Perhaps lyric strikes a chord with you or a certain beat gives you confidence.  Music works in mysterious ways, so listen to whatever makes you escape, helps you get to the heart of a matter, or basically just relaxes you. Inspiration may be just around the corner from that melody that awaiting you.  Right now I am listening and enjoying Leela James, love her music & lyrics.  Cheers!

If you are looking for some help with making the transition from plain Jane in 2009 to style maven in 2010, here are five tips to help you revamp your wardrobe for 2010.

1) Out with the ill-fitting

Get rid of anything that no longer fits. Whether you lost a few pounds or outgrew a few of your clothes in 2009, there is no place for ill-fitting garments in your 2010 closet. Trash anything that is too big small, long or short. Make space for new, more flattering things.

2) Try new things

Get out of your 2010 style rut! Don’t let your clothes become a uniform. If you have been wearing the same things in the same way over and over this past year, shake things up in ‘10. Take risks and be bold.

3) Get inspired

If you find yourself admiring some one’s style, feel free to incorporate it into your own. Draw inspiration maybe from a well-known style icon or even a stylish person that you know personally.

4) Get tailored

The best way to take an average wardrobe and make it extraordinary is to become well acquainted with your local tailor. Normal off-the-rack garments can be made to look like custom creations with minor tweaks. Altering clothes to fit your body specifically will help you will transform your look in a great way.  This doesn’t have to be expensive start by exploring with your neighborhood drycleaners. 

5) Invest in a few statement pieces

Adding a few strong statement pieces to your wardrobe will help you to stand out more. While it is virtually impossible for the average person to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe every year, a few strong items will make you look and feel brand new. Invest in a fabulous pair of Louboutins, or even a classic pair of Prada or Gucci shoes.  Next stop a fabulous large leatherhandbag. Equip yourself with some classic, quality items that will last and build the rest of your wardrobe around them.  I truly find that accessories are the key to any wardrobe.

Only revamp in areas needed and based on a budget that you can afford.  It’s no fun having fabulous things with regrets.  Cheers to a new fabulous you.