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As we approach a season of spring, let’s take a look at fresh clean starts and good decisions.

One of those decisions could surround forgiveness. The dictionary defines forgiveness as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. Giving forgiveness can take work.

1 –Define your emotion. Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not OK.
2- Decide your action. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better. Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else.

3- Know that forgiving is not condoning. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning of their action. What you are after is to find peace. Forgiveness can be defined as the “peace and understanding that come from blaming that which has hurt you less, taking the life experience less personally, and changing your un-pleasant story.”

4- Understand what is happening or has happened. Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you two minutes – or ten years – ago. Forgiveness helps to heal those hurt feelings.

5- Manage your reaction. At the moment you feel upset practice a simple stress management technique to release you mind, body and soul from the events that caused you hurt and pain.  Don’t allow the situation or person to get a negative reaction from you.

6- Understand that you can control only you. Give up expecting things from other people, or your life, that they do not choose to give you. Recognize the “unenforceable rules” you have for your health or how you or other people must behave. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, peace and prosperity and work hard to get them.

7- Stop replaying it in your mind. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met than through the experience that has hurt you. Instead of mentally replaying your hurt seek out new ways to get what you want.  You must own this!

8- Move forward in life and don’t dwell on the past. Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving the person who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you. Forgiveness is about personal power, not giving the other person or situation any power.

Remember if you are looking ahead you can see where you are going some people just will not be on the journey with you.  It’s okay to forgive and move on and leave people where they are so that you can remain focused on a better YOU!  Cheers.

Let’s be wise enough to make a ritual of replenishing what our daily living depletes from us. Our culture has not taught us to embrace downtime. We feel stress, anxious, overwhelmed, we sacrifice to serve others and make them happy for many this has just become a way of living.

Today our lives are more complex, overscheduled and we are always in a hurry! We find ourselves living in a high-stress zone and we are paying a high emotional and physical price for it.

Today, take back your power and your life, and make no more excuses. Much of our stress is self-imposed. Set your priorities, and every day do something to un-clutter and un-complicate your life.

Research shows that just 15 minutes of quiet time each day will refresh and restore you. Surround yourself with your favorite candle and flowers. Sit still or relax in a hot bubble bath. Give thanks, listen to your heart speak; seek wisdom, knowledge and understanding. It’s as simple as that, remember you have to create this space in your life and embrace it; in its fullness. Cheers, to making room for you!

Positive thinking doesn’t mean that you keep your head in the sand and ignore life’s less pleasant situations. Positive thinking just means that you approach the unpleasantness in a more positive and productive way. You have to think the best is going to happen, not the worst.

Positive thinking often starts with self-talk. Self-talk is the endless stream of unspoken thoughts that run through your head every day. These automatic thoughts can be positive or negative.  Some of your self-talk comes from logic and reason. Other self-talk may arise from misconceptions that you create because of lack of information.  It doesn’t take long to see all the negativity that life brings in our path, but it only takes a second to change your way of thinking.

Do you find yourself drifting off into the negative when things are hard?  Stop take a deep breath and say:  I Embrace Positivity.  Think about all the positive things that have happened in your life and look forward to all the positive things sure to come your way!

Give positive thinking a try and you will quickly see how rewarding being positive can be!  Cheers!

Positive thinking doesn’t mean that you keep your head in the sand and ignore life’s less pleasant situations. Positive thinking just means that you approach the unpleasantness in a more positive and productive way. You think the best is going to happen, not the worst.

Positive thinking often starts with self-talk. Self-talk is the endless stream of unspoken thoughts that run through your head every day. These automatic thoughts can be positive or negative. Some of your self-talk comes from logic and reason. Other self-talk may arise from misconceptions that you create because of lack of information.

Do you find yourself drifting off into the negative when things are hard?  Stop take a deep breath and say:  I Embrace Positivity.

Give it a try, and you quickly see how rewarding being positive can be!  Cheers!

 “Lift Every Voice and Sing” was publicly performed first as a poem as part of a celebration of Lincoln’s Birthday on February 12, 1900 by 500 school children at the segregated Stanton School. Its principal, James Weldon Johnson, wrote the words to introduce its honored guest Booker T. Washington. The poem was later set to music by Johnson’s brother John in 1905. Singing this song quickly became a way for African Americans to demonstrate their patriotism and hope for the future.

In calling for earth and heaven to “ring with the harmonies of Liberty,” they could speak out subtly against racism and Jim Crow laws—and especially the huge number of lynchings accompanying the rise of the Ku Klux Klan at the turn of the century. In 1919, the NAACP adopted the song as “The Negro National Anthem.” By the 1920s, copies of “Lift Every Voice and Sing” could be found in black churches across the country, often pasted into the hymnals. In 1939, Augusta Savage received a commission from the World’s Fair and created a 16-foot plaster sculpture called Lift Ev’ry Voice and Sing. Savage did not have any funds for a bronze cast, or even to move and store it, and it was destroyed by bulldozers at the close of the fair.

The lyrics are ones of empowerment

Lift every voice and sing, till earth and heaven ring,
Ring with the harmonies of liberty;
Let our rejoicing rise, high as the list’ning skies,
Let it resound loud as the rolling sea.
Sing a song full of the faith
that the dark past has taught us,
Sing a song full of the hope
that the present has brought us;
Facing the rising sun of our new day begun,
Let us march on till victory is won.

Stony the road we trod, bitter the chast’ning rod,
Felt in the days when hope unborn had died;
Yet with a steady beat, have not our weary feet,
Come to the place for which our fathers sighed?
We have come over a way
that with tears has been watered.
We have come, treading our path
thro’ the blood of the slaughtered,
Out from a gloomy past, till now we stand at last
Where the white gleam
of our bright star is cast.

God of our weary years, God of our silent tears,
Thou who has brought us thus far on the way;
Thou who hast by thy might, led us into the light,
Keep us forever in the path, we pray.
Lest our feet stray from the places
Our God where we met Thee,
Lest our hearts drunk with the wine of the world
we forget Thee;
Shadowed beneath Thy hand
May we forever stand,
True to our God,
True to our native land.

Life can be filled with many challenges and sometimes just “hard”.  But, if you are reading this you have survived or you are getting through these moments.  There is so much to appreciate and celebrating about your life and where you are at this moment.  Joy & Peace are right in front of you and often they can be found in unexpected places.  We cannot afford to look back and have a “should of, would of” pity party.  We must embrace our future and be grateful and take nothing for granted.

Maybe things aren’t going in the right direction or where you had hoped.  Where ever things stand what ever happened, don’t marinate in it.  When we tell ourselves we should have made something happen, we should done this or that better, we invite and open the door to guilt, regret, and resentment.  It’s simply impossible. So, stop take the key, open the freedom door and free yourself from the “should of’s.  Cheers!

I have a dream, still in 2013.

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we have come to our nation’s capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked “insufficient funds.” But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check — a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quick sands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God’s children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro’s legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. They have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

As we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, “When will you be satisfied?” We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied, as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro’s basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating “For Whites Only”. We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.”

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God’s children will be able to sing with a new meaning, “My country, ’tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim’s pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring.”

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, “Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!”

You don’t even have to say it I can already hear you thinking aloud.  If I tell the truth in every awkward situation, there will be hell to pay with my mother/husband/kids/sister/co-workers.  I get it.  There are people in your life who, for various reasons, don’t want to embrace your truth.  You may be thinking you have to change those people, but baby don’t even try.  It will not be worth the time or energy……..

I have longed live to make other people happy, rigid people more flexible, aggressive people more empathetic, and on and on.  I simply came to the realization that this never worked, and it was driving me insane and causing so much stress in my life.

The key I found that worked for me is to stay far away from the idea of “making” someone do, feel or think anything.  This is not your job.  Instead your job and focus should be to maximize your own personal happiness, kindness and health and let everyone else choose to follow or not.

You’ve already had enough life experiences to notice when a situation, a person or a task is marked as “poison”.  Remember how much that situation hurt you the last time and decide in this moment you don’t want to feel that level of pain again and that you choose happiness!  This process may require small steps and time.  Tell the truth and stay minding your own business.  Anything else might be poison.  You may one day real soon wake up and realize that you feel better, wiser, healthier and SO much happier.  Free Yourself.  Cheers!

Blessed to see another year!  I don’t know about you, but this has been good, and God showed me his favor on my life.  Just to name a few highlights I spent 9 wonderful days in Cape Town, South Africa, a weekend in Paris, France, and I was thankful and appreciative the entire 11 days.  I won’t complain, and I cannot host a pity party however, keeping it 100 there were some rough days for a sistah in 2012.  But, through it all, I’ve persevered and I am still thanking God for all of my experiences, I realize they have come to make me stronger.  And that I am.  I realize that some of my experiences and the results, were due to poor decision-making on my part, trusting people that did not deserve it, caring about people that didn’t care about me, but I have forgiven myself and despite some of my experiences I know I am still fabulous child of God.

As 2013 approached me I did some hard work, soul searching and identified my word and principal for 2013 “reciprocity”.  I am very clear on how I practice this principal and how others receive it.  Now here comes the change!  I am excited and I feel very good about letting some people, situations and experiences stay where they belong in 2012”.  You’ve had your moment but you won’t have the same experience in 2013.  As James Brown said, “I Feel Good”!  I really do.  Some lessons are hard to learn but I am so thankful that I got it!

We cannot go into the New Year with the old mindset; there are absolutely no benefits to that.  Decide today what it is you want from 2013, write it down and meditate on it.  The key to being successful is having a plan of action and being very methodical about bringing it into fruition.

Be purposeful, be fearless, be certain, be precise, be focused and most important be true to you!  The best is yet to come.  Expect all God goodness! Happy New Years!  Cheers to you!

As I enter day 5 of my Kwanzaa Celebrations I am reminded of all the principals. Nia (Purpose) is so important in our daily lives. I don’t know how anyone could embrace everyday and not know your purpose. It’s absolutely necessary. “In a world where there is an urgent need to move beyond petty and perverse purposes and narrow and narcissistic concerns, the principle and practice of Nia (Purpose) provides us with an expansive ethical alternative. For it teaches us the collective vocation of bringing, increasing and sustaining good in the world, and insuring the well-being, health and wholeness of the world, and ourselves.” We must always know our purpose for being.

Purpose is the breath and life with which you create in this gift of life. What is your purpose? If you don’t know please spend time with yourself to identify your purpose! You cannot be successful in life without this knowledge.

All the best to you in 2013! Happy New Years, Cheers!

The 7 principles of Kwanzaa 

One

Umoja – Unity stresses the importance of togetherness for the family and the community, which is reflected in the African saying, “I am We,” or “I am because We are.”

Two

Kujichagulia – Self-Determination requires that we define our common interests and make decisions that are in the best interest of our family and community.

Three

Ujima – Collective Work and Responsibility reminds us of our obligation to the past, present and future, and that we have a role to play in the community, society, and world.

Four

Ujamaa – Cooperative economics emphasizes our collective economic strength and encourages us to meet common needs through mutual support.

Five

Nia –  Purpose encourages us to look within ourselves and to set personal goals that are beneficial to the community.

Six

Kuumba – Creativity makes use of our creative energies to build and maintain a strong and vibrant community.

Seven

Imani – Faith focuses on honoring the best of our traditions, draws upon the best in ourselves, and helps us strive for a higher level of life for humankind, by affirming our self-worth and confidence in our ability to succeed and triumph in righteous struggle.